Hermione's Occupation
by Ichijouji-Tiana
Summary: Hermione is a drunken mess and ends up being Victor's hoe. Rated PG-13 for alchohol consumption, prostitution, and pure stupidity. This story really sux, so please R/R.


When will the madness end?  
Hermione Granger stumbled drunkenly from a filthy alley in the middle of the night. An almost completely empty of Jack Daniel's was grasped loosely in her hands.  
"Take me away... to Margaritaville..." she sang, her voice was hoarse, like she had a sore throat.

To no one's surprise, Draco stumbled with an empty beer can clutched in his right hand. Then he looked at it, and sent it hurling into his forehead, flattening it.  
They were so drunk, they were kicked out of the drunk tank in jail, and were apparently so annoying in jail, they didn't get fined for being Minors In Possession, but of disturbing the peace.  
They stood for a second, hands behind each others backs, singing  
"I've got friends in low places, where the whiskey flows, and beer chases my blues away... I'll be OK..."

She looked at Draco's wand in his pocket.  
"Is that a wand in your pocket... or are you just happy to see me?"

Draco looked at her with a glazed expression over his face and said, "A little from column A, a little from column B..."

Hermione looked shocked and smashed the bottle of Jack Daniel's over his head and ran away.

Draco was knocked out and fell to the ground. The remaining rum in the JD bottle covered him, and Hermione ran away laughing.  
Not being able to see clearly, she ran right into a couple of whores.

"Excuse me girl... are you looking for a good time? We go both ways..." one prostitute said, a long half smoked cigarette dangling from her fingers. (Prostitute A)

Hermione being as drunk as she was pulled out her wallet and asked, "Do you take Knuts?"

"We take everything... anywhere..." the other prostitute said. (Prostitute B)

"Because I only have knuts..." Hermione said.

"We enjoy nuts immensely..." Prostitute A said.

"Yes... we like nuts..." Prostitute B said at the same time.

They led Hermione off into a Whore House, where she woke up the next morning covered in beer and cigarette ashes and wearing different clothes. She couldn't remember most of last night's events.

At that moment, Victor Krum walked in, with sun glasses on, and a big red hat with a long white feather sticking out of it. He was also wearing a shiny silk robe that said '#1 PIMP' across the chest. He was wearing black and white pinstriped bellbottoms with platform shoes.  
"Herm-own-ninny, Ivv come to offer emplooyment," he said, smoking a cigar with that gold and platinum filled mouth of his. The rings and necklaces covering him stood out majorly.

"What do I have to do?" Hermione asked innocently.

"People," Krum replied simply. "Lotza good money."

Hermione thought it over for a second. Literally, her time was 00:00:01:00.  
"Sure! What have I got to loose? Well, besides my innocence and my sense of self worth!" she said happily.

"Herm-own-ninny, you lost your innocence last night--- to me two hoes and me. Dats why I decidid you should work for me." Krum explained. "So you only got to lose your sense of self werf."

Hermione shrugged and said, "OK!"  
That whole day she went through extensive training on how to become a first class whore.  
She learned all sorts odd things, and even got a new name, one that was easier to pronounce for Krum,  
Ilene Bakfar.

All that hard (no pun intended) work really paid off because that very night, Prostitute A  
(Jenny Tales) was going to take her out for her first paying job.  
Jenny and Ilene stood on a street corner smoking their cigarettes and were trying to look seductive.

Then a little boy named Colin Creevy walked passed them.

"Hey! Hey, kid!" Ilene yelled. "C'mere!"

Colin walked up to them slowly.  
"Yes?"

"Looking for a good time?" Ilene asked, she was kinda nervous but Jenny said that was normal.

"Yes! Do you have any male whores available tonight?" Colin asked, almost professionally, like he's done this before.

Jenny pulled out a chart of free guys for that evening.  
"We got... oh! You're in luck! Tonight we're running a half-off special on Krum!" Jenny said, taking Colin by the hand and leading him into the whore house.  
Jenny never came back, leaving Ilene all alone.

Ilene looked around the nearly deserted street. Then she heard what sounded like a trash can being tipped over. A stinky, blonde boy came walking from the ally at that very moment.  
"Draco?" Ilene asked.

"Hermione?" Draco asked, running towards her.

"My name's Ilene now. I met some really nice people last night and they gave me a new name and a job!" said Ilene.

"What's your last name?" Draco asked.

"Bakfar. My name is Ilene Bakfar," Hermione explained.

Draco stared laughing. "It suits you!"

Ilene nodded..  
"Do you need a job?" Ilene asked.

"Yes... I do actually..." Draco said, stopping his laughter. "Please say that you'll let me be a whore with you! It's been my life long dream!"

"OK," Ilene said, leading Draco into the Whore house.  
He and Hermione both work for Victor Krum (or as he prefers to be called, Victor Krums a lot). As we know, Hermione is Ilene Bakfar, and Draco's new name is Amos Luvard.

They make little crack whore babies, and live wastefully ever after.  
The End. 

Now I think its amazing that I'm still writing Harry Potter based stories, with no You-Know-Who in them. 

And that Harry isn't in this one.


End file.
